I LOVE nursing. I love everything about it! The INSTANT soothing of your crying baby, the touching, the bonding... I could go on.... BUT I've found it exceptionally difficult to keep my house tidy with a 10 week oh, gosh, 11 week old (today!) wanting to eat all the time, and a three year old capitalizing on my butt being anchored to the couch thanks to said 11 week old. For REAL, this kid can MAKE A MESS. Right before my eyes! The other day she tossed her tuna sandwich on the floor because she was "all done." Do whaaaaat!? Really, I didn't believe it. I knew I MUST have hallucinated it..... Um, no. I've NEVER "tossed" anything on the floor like that! Who are you? On top of believing our house to be a giant trash bin , she apparently has no control or awareness of any of her limbs. IF there's something that can get spilled, it WILL... and it will spill on the ONE place that isn't covered by whatever it is you put down to catch the mess.
At around 8 weeks after Leah's birth, I reached a point of madness. I felt like I was swimming in stacks of clean, unfolded laundry...toys...old food... and trash. No, I WAS swimming in all of those things. The dishes piled up.. And at the end of the day, my house, regardless of how much I cleaned, seemed to be dirtier than it was when I woke up. I couldn't understand it! Why couldn't I keep a clean house!!! WHY COULDN'T I DO IT ALL! Why couldn't I be like "her." When it hit me. I'm not her. I won't be her. I wasn't made her. And this is my life. I can tell a good story, but I leave all of the lights on. I can make my kids laugh, but my kitchen CAN'T stay clean without major efforts. Oh, I also calculated the amount of time I spent holding my Leah and nursing her to the 50th percentile in weight, and lemme tall ya, nursing is TIME consuming. I spend most of my day doing it. And I wouldn't change it for a clean house...not in a million years. This is my last baby to breastfeed and I am going to soak it in because there will come a day when Leah weans and my nursing season will morph into solid foods and talking and more independence and I will ACHE to be back on my couch. The couch where I solely provided life to my Leah and memories to my Maddie.
So, as it is, we have the messiest house on the block. But more than that we have Candy Land picnics....
...and laughing....
....and outdoor adventures...
....and smiles...
...and baby cheeks....
...and sisters....
...and once in a very, very blue moon.... we have stillness...
In that stillness...my mess? Our mess? Totally worth it.
PS IF anyone has seen the batteries to the remote, I'd be much obliged....
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